Give Me Sleep

Someone was outside raking leaves at 6:00 am this morning. On the continuum of noise, raking leaves is not as loud as say, blowing them, or a car alarm, or an electric saw, or hammering, but when sleep has become a huge issue, anything can be a problem. And those leaves are dry and noisy. In the middle of the day maybe my brain could package that sound as classic fall, but at 6:00 am all I can come up with is thoughtless fucker.

My Remembrance Day

There’s something about this day. This hard day. This crazy beautiful day. November 11th. The trees still brilliant red and yellow. (Way to go Japanese Maples – you get the gold medal.) People out running in tank tops and shorts and poppies.

I didn’t get the 18 degrees memo so I peeled off layers as I ran, grateful for every stunning mild blue moment. I stopped at the light at Bathurst and Dupont and smiled at a woman walking her dog.

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday was Halloween. It was cold and rainy and lots of kids came by. Not that I would know how many kids have ever come by before. I’ve always halloweened elsewhere. Before I had kids, I’d turn off the lights and hide in the basement – a total party pooper.

I ran out for candy in the afternoon. Since my porch light is broken and I “forgot” to get a pumpkin, I lit a bunch of candles in my front window. Very Shabbat meets Hannukah, meets haunted house.

Thank you giving

Oh. Right. Blog.

It’s not that I got bummed out and completely off track that I haven’t posted in the last couple of weeks, it’s that I got on track, or on a path towards a track. And for that I am so grateful.

Full Catastrophe Living

Week 2 of mindfulness meditation.

I think it’s working.

I didn’t watch any “TV” shows during the day this week. (Now that I have a number of unnamed sources for small screen activity, I’m simply going to refer to anything I watch in my home as TV, regardless of where it comes from.) Ok, I did jump on my mini trampoline with Mindy Kaling. But that was exercise.

Do You Mind?

I’m on the mindfulness train. The Mindfulness Meditation Express. Got on last Monday. I’m not allowed to talk specifically about the class but I can talk around it. And I can talk about me.

It's a bumpy life

This weekend was my first maintenance chemo. Shabbas chemo. That would never happen at Mt Sinai. When we arrived the place was locked because who does chemo on Saturday? Even the staff hadn’t thought to open the doors to serve their weekend cocktail brunch.

What's trending?

The mud of last week, the thick clay-like, impossible without muscle power, desire, and the loudest sucking sounds, like harvesting gooey ducks, to pull out of, has been diluted. Now it’s just muddy water that won’t exactly wash anything clean, but leaves room to maneuver, and feels (momentarily) refreshing by comparison.

I seem to have a situation

I have never spent so much time with my hand on my forehead as I have over the past four days – some combination of fever-checking and despair. 

I really really need to go now

Today makes a week. At 2:30 pm it will be 7 days since I arrived in emerg at Mt. Sinai. I woke up this morning feeling like I’m getting a cold.  Fondling my forehead has become a tic. I’m scared.

Last night was the first night that really sucked. It started with my cousin Ari getting stuck in the Sabbath elevator for half an hour on her way to visit. Really God? The Sabbath elevator? 

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